Time in prison is just one of many possible consequences of failing to pay your child support. Recently I came across this on the U.S. Department of State website which states that if you are behind on “child support payments in excess of $2,500, you are ineligible to receive a U.S. passport. If this applies to you, Passport Services strongly recommends that you contact the appropriate State child support enforcement agency to make payment arrangements before applying for a passport.” While I was in a sporting good store recently I witnessed a man being turned down for a hunting license, thanks to a new State mandated computer system that all licensees must adhere to. He was denied the hunting license because he is behind on child support. So you can’t hunt, fish, or even leave the country. It’s also been brought to my attention that the government can withold child support payments from your tax refund! Feel free to leave comments or questions at the end of this article.
In research for this article I interviewed my Aunt, whom was a Child Support Enforcement Officer. Since 1985 she was an Employee of the State of Mississippi but her position is funded by a Federal Program which insures that parents receiving government aid are financially assisted by the state mandated wage garnishment, of the non custodial parent. These were time limited positions for child support enforcement.
Polybabydadic
The majority of her time was spent in determining paternity. This is how it works. The mother gives a name, or five names (in some cases), and child support enforcement sets off to locate the potential fathers. Once an address is obtained for these men, a letter is sent instructing them to come to the appropriate location for a paternity test. Sometimes married men (or their wives), received these letters. Once in the office the potential father could accept paternal responsibilities. This was a rare occurrence. Normally the potential father would ‘deny’ that he is the father.
DNA Testing
DNA testing used to require the withdrawing of blood, but more recently ‘swabbing‘ has been used. The baby, mother, and potential are all swabbed to obtain a sample of their DNA. The DNA is then sent off to a laboratory and analyzed. The mothers DNA ‘markers’ are noted and then subtracted from the DNA of the baby. The remaining DNA should be a match with the real father.
Once Paternity is established, the father’s wages were assessed. There were guidelines for how much a father will pay. It’s based on a percentage of his income per child. If the father doesn’t have a job then the judge would set the child support based on a minimum wage job, at 40 hours per week.
Divorces
Mississippi passed a law in the 1990’s (which is often ignored) which states that all divorces involving children must have a child support withholding order. A form would then be filled out by a Child Support Enforcement Officer and mailed to the employer of the non custodial parent. This was a wage garnishment form designed to help the government insure that babies in Mississippi are being taken care of. Also, if the custodial parent is on some form of government assistance like Medicaid or Welfare, there is a state law which mandates the withholding order. This one is strictly enforced.
Licenses
Besides not being able to obtain a hunting or fishing license. You could also be denied a Drivers License when you stand in line for one of these. My Aunt relayed a story about a certain lawyer that would never pay his child support. The only way they could get him to pay was to threaten to remove his license to practice law. The Child Support Officer could use the same threats with a medical doctor. The ability to disrupt the lives of the non custodial parent seems to have no boundaries.
What if you leave the state?
Leaving the state won’t help you avoid paying child support. You may prolong it, but you can’t avoid it by skipping the state. Thanks to the Uniform Reciprocal Enforcement and Support Act, your arrest warrant for failure to pay child support follows you anywhere in the United States. For example, one of the arrest warrants my Aunt had issued resulted in a man being arrested in California. He was driving a tractor trailer loaded with produce. Although this was a routine traffic stop, once the man’s license was entered into the police computer, his warrant for failure to pay child support in Mississippi popped up. He was arrested and his employer’s produce sat in the hot California sun, spoiling before making it to market.
How you are tracked
The government tracks its citizens thanks to a few interconnected circumstances. This tracking is made possible by your Social Security Number, which is really how the government sees its citizens. Using your Social Security Number to obtain employment, results in a W-2 being issued to the I.R.S.. Large companies have to report this information every three months. Smaller companies may only report this information at the end of the year. Thanks to the Homeland Security Act, this process most likely alerts them as well. But the end result is that a Child Support Officer knows where you are, and if they’re aggressive, you’ll be arrested.
Time in jail
Time in jail is only pursued if the Child Support Officer has a father or mother who refuses to cooperate. You won’t go to jail if you are trying to pay your child support (actually paying, not just talking about paying). Once the Officer feels that they have wasted enough time trying to get you to pay, they have a warrant issued to bring you before a judge. Sometimes they may just lure you to the court with a subpoena, without mentioning that you’re going to be arrested when you arrive. My Aunt relayed a heart breaking story of having to place a mother in jail who wouldn’t keep a job and pay her child support. Since the split with her previous husband this woman had given birth to another child. Inside the courtroom, the mother was placed in handcuffs and escorted to jail, leaving her one year old behind crying.
Once in jail, you’re stuck there until you get a job. Now I know this sounds crazy, but my Aunt said that you couldn’t leave jail until you could prove that you had a job. Normally family members took care of this obligation for their incarcerated loved ones. The Child Support Officer actually does the legal writing. They have a lawyer at their assistance that really does nothing more than just sign whatever gets placed in front of their face. So your life of freedom is really in the hands of the Child Support Officer.
The squeaky wheel gets the oil
My Aunt said she averaged carrying around 800 ‘cases’ at any one time. Also, she would only make appearances in court once a month. So she would try and accomplish all she could on that day. She made it very obvious, in our conversation, that the custodial parents who were the most assertive with her, took priority over people who compained little. So if your Ex loves the idea of harassing you, expect to hear from the Child Support Enforcement Officer often.
How to avoid paying child support
Leaving the country is probably your best wasy of avoiding payment of child support. It is very rare for a person to be brought back to the United States for child support. At least from what I’ve read. I would imagine if you became a citizen of another country, then U.S. child support laws would not apply to you - unless you stepped foot back on U.S. soil. I’m purely speculating here. My Aunt mentioned only one occasion where they brought a man up from South America, it must have been a country willing to extradite for the U.S…
Avoiding the payment of child support successfully means living a lifestyle of non-existence, at least to the U.S. Government. This means no longer using your Social Security Number, perhaps being employed in a job where you receive cash and the employer doesn’t care who your are. But you still have to have a place to live, and electricity, you want some of that don’t you? Well having your own place means using your SSN. This brings me to my next point. Although it’s illegal, you could change your identity. By this I mean start using a new name and SSN. People do this, and if caught, you’ll be going to jail for two reasons instead of one. The last option is to move to a country which will not cooperate with the United States. Iran might be just the place for you, or maybe North Korea. Well, none of this sounds like much fun to me. Seems like it would be a lot easier just to keep a job and pay your child support.
Oh yeah, I almost forgot, it’s of no consequence for the female to have you in court as often as she’d like. The judge always makes the man pay the court costs.
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Hey Tyrone,
I’m not sure but most likely you’ll still owe it somehow. You need to contact your states collection enforcement office and inquire with them.
I will tell every women who posted above you have no idea what its like to be a father paying child support. You have no idea whats it like to have your freedom possibily stripped from you by the government and to look at your social security number as your tracking beacon. How embarrased you would feel when payroll garnishes your wages at work and everyone knowing you have had bad relationship in the past. When you go to apply for a loan and your credit report shows past due payments for child support. How you think it feels to have a new relationship and all you want to do is move on and enjoy life with her but you cant because child support is garnishing the legal 50% of your paycheck? How about losing your job because your so depressed that you are only getting $600 a month out of 40 hours a WORK! Depressed and unmotivated because your trying to finish your last year of college while working and you cant even make ends meet? How would you feel having a child out of wedlock from your partner being on the pill assuring you that she’s on the pill and will never get pregnant, you insist on using a condom as extra precaution and she says if “you wear it im not having sex” and then to find out she was on antibiotics. A mother then who forced you to change your son’s last name which was mine to her lastname and still have to pay support!!!!! A woman who makes 3x what I make and receives more support for that one child then my exwife and the two kids I pay for her. The exwife needs it!! She is on food stamps and is trying to do the best she can. THIS IS WHAT IM SAYING F*CK THE GOVERNMENT AND THEIR INVOLVEMENT!
For the fathers out there who are paying support to some spiteful Bi*tch FIGHT BACK! WE NEED PROPER REPRESENTATION!!! HERES A TIP on how to avoid paying support while you try to get back on your feet: Get a server job at a restaurant!! You will get tips which can not be garnished!!! Say you have a $15 an hr job and $1000 or 1/2 your check is garnished, you are working for $7.50hr. Where tip (waiter/bellmen) jobs you can bring in $300-$500 a week all in your pocket! One catch though send a little bit of money to child support a month or you will goto jail! As long as your “trying” they cant jail you. Now you can send money to your exwife and kids for support because she needs it!!!
Thanks for giving tips on how to not support your children! It would be great if they would really send the money to the children that need it but most won’t ! That is just extra money no one knows about. Men who feel that it is a burden to support their children, don’t seem to care the problems the children have when there is not enough money. It is the children that suffer here. If you truly care about your children then you would not mind helping to pay to raise them. You are not giving money to the woman, you are paying for the cost of raising a child. IT IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR CHILDREN. I know that it seems like SOME women don’t need the money - but it is still your child and you should have to pay to raise it. With the new child support guidelines (at least in my state) they take into account the amount of money each parent makes along with the expenses and make a more equitable amount. This allows it to be more fair to the parent that does not make as much money.
I have been on the other side of child support. My ex-husband had to pay child support to his first wife. Yes, it was hard, but it was the right thing to do. It was his responsibility to help pay to raise that child. And without the money she would have not had all the things she needed. I would not want to have a relationship with a man that would not willingly take care of his children.
You constantly refer to the B****, but its not about her. It’s about taking care of the children you helped bring into this world. No matter what the woman makes it is your place to help support the children you bring into this world. And as for your situation with the out of wedlock child- you didn’t have to have sex. If she said she would not do it with a condom you could have went home without it.
As for the government involvement, it would be nice if they didn’t have to get involved, but they do because of men who are too sorry to take care of the children most of them profess to love. (You can’t love someone if you are not willing to take care of them) If everyone would care more about what is best for the child and stop worrying about the other adult things would be much better. But what it seems like to me is that many men love their child as long as they are with them but really just want to move on from the ex-wife and children once the relationship is over. Just a bit of info: You don’t divorce the children just the wife.
You think it is any different for the women supporting our children without any help from these, along with yourself, deadbeat dads! You have no idea what it is to raise a child. Almost my entire paycheck gets “garnished” because I ACTUALLY SUPPORT MY KIDS! F**K YOU AND ALL YOU OTHER DEADBEATS LOOKING TO SHIRK YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES!!! By the way if you cant handle the consequences of YOUR actions…dont have sex…. abstinence is the most effective birth control! I work full time, attend college full-time and raise two kids by myself… you dont see us women on here bitching that we dont have any money to start new relationships. Girlfriends will come and go, your kid will ALWAYS be your kid.
I read this and grow increasingly frustrated with how easily this system is manipulated.
I had custody of my son and did not ask for a DIME. Why? Because I can take care of MYSELF and my son. I’ve seen both single dads and single moms manipulate the system solely out of spite. They claim they need the money but the truth is, they just want to feel in control of the other parent. I’d hate to live my life knowing that no matter where I go or what I do, I had the legal system poised and ready to drop an ax on my head.
What SHOULD happen here is that instead of giving the non-custodial parent cash, they should issue some kind of card (similar to a welfare card, which is pretty much what child support is) where the custodial parent can buy food and clothing ONLY.
All you single moms and dads out there, stop whining and stop using the system and my tax dollars!!
I don’t use anyone’s tax dollars. In fact I pay taxes myself because I work. It is each parent’s responsibility to take care of their child. I am sure that some parents try to use the system, but whether the money is needed or not, if you are a parent, you should be financially supporting your children. As for the use of the money, child support is not only for food and clothing. It is also used for housing, utility bills, anything that the children use. In my opinion, any parent that loves their children want the best for their children. They should be wiling to support them without government intervention. However, that is not the case today. Parents claim undying love for their children yet don’t want to help with finances. And getting the ncparent to pay is just as much the custodial parents right and responsibility. I provide for my children without support from their father right now because he will not get a job. However, my children miss out on some of the extra things they would like to have because of this. Such as, going to the movies, and extra time with me because I am having to work a full time and a part time job. It would be great to be able to provide some of the things my children want without having to work two jobs. I don’t feel it is whining or using the system, I feel that expecting parents to support their children is what should be done.
Well tell me what happens when a man you were married to for 8 years whom you have 5 children with which are ages 2-7 leaves you for her best friend, but not only leaves but totally financially abandons you, knowing that you never worked the whole time you were married. And divorces you and marries her to have another child. He still wants to get the kids everyother weekend, but should he not be obligated to pay the 1300/month that he was suppose to pay to help take care of these 5 children he helped bring into the world. Because let me tell you, its hard getting a full time job when you have 5 mouths to feed and take care of by yourself and to have to pay for childcare for 5 is more then you are gonna make, because remember, you had never worked so chances are you ain’t gonna make that much to start with…So what is this woman suppose to do? What would you do if you were in this situation?
I pay my own taxes too… And it is yours, mine and everyone else’s taxes paying welfare for my sons father you happen to be defending… He also lied on his taxes this year claiming he made about 8,000 which brought him about 4,200 from EIC among other tax credits. I work pay my bills, childcare, health insurance, and anything else me or my children may need without “manipulating” ANY system. Maybe you should start looking at both sides.
That sucks Dina, and everyones situations are different here but what he did is the reason why there is child support. Oh and I was living with my ex for 2 years so I couldnt just not have abstinance and go home.
I had my 2 kids for a year as a single dad and I didnt ask once for support from the exwife. Say ur a single mom making atleast 35k a year salary u wouldn’t be on here talking about taking care of your responsibilities and deadbeat dads.If only u knew what its like to be on unemployment and 1/2 that is garnished for child support.
Not that it is any of your business but I do make more than that, but the child rearing and financial responsibilities should not be that of one parent only. Both parents had a part in creating that child(ren) and both parents should be responsible for the obligations that go along with having children.
I totally agree with you “disgusted”! No matter what you make (and I make more than $35000) it is BOTH parents responsibility to provide for the children - whether the father or the mother has custody. I feel that if the mother does not have custody she should be required to pay child support. A friend of mine has a teenage son that chose to live with his dad. She pays her child support every month. I feel it is the responsibility of the custodial parent to get child support to make sure that their child receives everything they need. I work a full-time and a part-time job to provide for my children. My ex-husband has been out of work for seven months, living with his parents, and not even trying to get a job and help out with the children. I would love to only have to work one job and have more time with the children but that is not possible without child support. My ex still claims how much he loves the children and still sees them periodically. I just don’t understand how someone could not want to make sure their children have everything they need and at least some of what they want - whether they have custody or not!
I AGREE WITH PEOPLE THAT FATHER GET SCREWED. THIS COURT SYSTEM NEVER SEEMS TO KEEP UP WITH WHAT THE MOM IS DOING TO HELP. MY BOYFRIEND PAYS SUPPORT AND HIS KIDS DID NOT LIVE WITH THEIR MOM FOR 2 YEARS AND SHE WAS KEEPING HIS MONEY. HER FAMILY TOLD US BUT HE GOT SHUFFLED AROUND SO MUCH BY THE SYSTEM WHEN REPORTING IT HE JUST GAVE UP. ITS SAD. I THINK COURT SHOULD BE ON TOP OF IT JUST LIKE THEY ARE WITH DADS. I MEAN HE HAD SCHOOL RECORDS AND EVERYTHING AND SHE LIVES AND THE CHECKS WHERE GOING TO ANOTHER ADDRESS 4 HOURS FOR WHERE THEY LIVED AND GOING TO SCHOOL! IN MY OPINION IF SHE WANTED THEM TO LIVE WITH HER PARENTS SHE SHOULD PAY CHILD SUPPORT! BUT THEY SHOULD HAVE LIVED WITH HIM ONCE SHE WAS NOT ABLE TO CARE
I havent been with my sons mother since he was 6 months old. He is now 4. First off , when child support got issued for me to pay he was around one years old. right off the bat I was charged for the first six months of his life in back child support and he and his mother lived with me. So right off the bat Iam down $4200 because I had to pay $700 a month. I only made $2400 a month with that current job. 3 years went by and I paid all the support on time every month. I lost that job do to the economy and downsizing of the company. That was a year and a half ago. I was still being charged $700 a month for a job I didnt have. finnally now I am going thru the system to have my child support reduced. The state was giving me the run around when I lost my job. Saying I needed a job before I could reduce my income. So Iam awaiting my reduction. In this year and a half I have not been able to afford the full child support and I am in the rears $17,000. Ya Iam screwed. I feel like I am being done wrong with this situation and its partially my fault for not obtaining a lawyer but with me surviving on the minuim money I had it was hard. Now before you ask about my relationship with my son. I pick him up every friday after his speech thearpy class and have him the whole weekend and take him to school on monday. Every spring break and summer break and chrismas break I have him as much as possible. We do not have custody issues, she is very good about letting me see my son when I want. I see him more then she does and I pay for everything plus I have to pay $700 a month. My mother has him two nights a week also so his mom doesnt see him much . I would love to have custody of him since I have him a majority of the time. I hate the situation I am in, I was wondering if anyone had some advice for me on how to handle this beautiful mess Iam in. please help me cause Iam overwhelmed with my back child support and I recently got married and my new wife is nervous about child support somehow affecting her paycheck and bank accounts. please help thank you very much.
debtprision,
When I was 19 I achieved the same as you (without signing over parental rights). However, she left me for a highshool buddy of hers knowing she was pregnant with my child. The police evicted me from my apartment instead of her because she was pregnant and of course I was not… having spent all of my money on the bills, i found myself broke and buried 4 feet in the snow-filled streets of a small town in Colorado. With a few phone calls to my family in the UK I managed to obtain enough money for a plane ticket to North Carolina where it is MUCH warmer.
Setting aside anymore extraneous details, I’ll go on to say that the Witch contacted the local CSE and since then has been gouging my paychecks. During the past 6 years I’ve lived in NC I’ve of course moved on, found another sweetheart.. had another child (Jadon Elijah) and have settled into my uncomfortable little corner of the United States of Embarassment. (not that i have a problem with my country.. i love my country, but I will always hate our government.)
Moving on. I’ve payed faithfully and prayed faithfully hoping my child isn’t too screwed up from being raised by a heartless, ignorant fool such as herself. And though I love Claudia as much as I love Jadon, I’m forced to research other alternatives to get me out of paying child support because I know Claudia is being taken care of by not just her mother, but her mother’s entire family (which posesses one executive retiree of GM, one retired OTR truck driver, a registered nurse, and of course herself - a licensed practical nurse) so I know Claudia is in good financial hands.
Now they’re taking $600/ month from me leaving Jadon and us with less than a sufficient amount to survive on. If I pay insurance for the car, I can’t afford rent.. if I pay rent, I can’t afford diapers, if I buy diapers, I can’t afford gas.. etc etc etc. I’ve been looking for a second job for 8 months now and haven’t recieved a single call back. (I assure you the current “economic crisis” has everything to do with it .)
My question is. How do I sign over parental rights. Or is that even an option…
That’s a great question, to which I have no first hand experience. I believe it is possible to sign away your parental right to the child to get the government and your ex out of your life. You’ll need to speak with a lawyer, that’s where I would start.
Your ex may have to agree to these terms, and she just might. But seek legal advice and let me know how it goes.
Let me sum up what I’ve read here: I want to have sex when I want it, however I either don’t want to consider the full ramifications of it both in the short term or long term or I was too young, stupid, or selfish to know that I had to.
Sex is our motivation to perpetuate the species and it is an all powerful force. The entire purpose of sex is to get women pregnant. Proceed with caution. I advise my boys to get snipped. Radical yes, but in this world it is the only way to have control over your life and be with women too.
Due to government involvement things have been made worse. I propose that this entire issue of children, support, custody, etc. would be better solved by the citizens without ANY Gubmint intervention. Go ahead, take yer best shot, I welcome the debate on this however be prepared to be forced to examine the consequences of every action you take in this world. This includes bringing in 3rd parties that possess coercive force to control people and get what you want.
Let me also repeat what I proposed in an earlier post:
We could go back to the 19th century where no matter who left the man got the kids. Results: The man would have been hard pressed to raise those kids on his own in those days, but more importantly no woman would walk in to his life and take on another woman’s children (and without hers). Hence he was motivated to make the best of the situation. The woman, well, most women simply wouldn’t walk away from their children. Needless to say she would also be motivated to get along. The logic is pure, however this is an emotionally charged concept - well for the women anyway. But tell me it wouldn’t work and why?
Alright. So I’ve got myself in quite a predicament here.
I met this girl about a year ago. She seemed great, knew all the right things to say. About 2 weeks go by, and we have intercourse. I reach for a condom and she tells me…”oh it’s fine I’m on birth control”. Still with intent to pull out, we end up having sex. I pulled out like I planned on doing, and she was almost disappointed. So a few hours later, the event happened again and I froze up and she affirmed “I’m on birth control”. So I hesitate to pull away and she holds my arms down and I ended up going inside of her. [ Sorry if too vulgar. ]
So…about a month goes by, I haven’t talked to the girl. I didn’t think anything of it until about 2 months pass and I’m getting a call from her incredibly excited because “she is pregnant”. I panic, tell her that it’s not the smartest idea. Seeing she was 19, had nothing going for her. Never worked a job in her life, didn’t bother with college and basically leeched off her parents. Only child, so she grew up with a mentality that she “gets whatever she wants”
My first reaction is to..”okay stand by my actions”. So I start coming over, start showing her attention while pregnant. Those ended up being the worst 6-7 months of my life. The true colors of her come out, she’s one of the most dishonest people I know. Her mood swings end up almost bi-polar…and her anger issues are borderline psychotic. While pregnant, she reveals that the whole time knowing her..she was a reckless party girl. That had no respect for any human being…but herself.
I was witness to her having no remorse, and being almost downright manipulative and evil in getting whatever she desired from someone. I caught her several times being hot boxed in a car while pregnant. Constantly going out and hanging out with groups of guys and her best friend [ who happened to be a skank. ]. Constantly at parties, though she said she didn’t drink. The point was she’d be out until 4-5AM at some house party. She’d go out, and even go to her doctor’s appointments in 3 inch high stillettos, the shortest shorts or skirts you could imagine, and she doesn’t own a top that doesn’t have her breasts almost all the way out.
It got kind of embarrassing for people to be looking at her as if she were a stripper or some corner working prostitute. As time went on her behavior seemed almost sociopathic. At times, she’d be totally civil..then out of nowhere be in a screaming rage…based on whether or not I did things “her way”. I could not discussing anything with her as an adult seeing her mentality was that of a 14 year old. She’s constantly disrespect me, wouldn’t listen to any reasonable request which demanded respect. I had to come to her parents constantly, because it was almost like dealing with a small child.
Her parents would huff and puff at her, but she had them so manipulated that nothing would come of it. So finally I had enough and knew…this was not going to happen. The prospect of having a child to her was simply..”because her friends are having them, and it seems like fun”. Let alone the fact she lied directly to my face several times about being on birth control until admitting after she was pregnant that she had never taken birth control in her life.
I distanced myself. This girl was bringing out the worst in me, I was losing weight/hair. Smoking a pack of cigarettes a day. Then while trying to distance myself, she was harass me, my family, my friends constantly. Calling and almost using the unborn child as ultimatum to marry her..or she was going to ruin my life.
The child ended up being born, looked exactly like me. I was no where near ready to be a father and I knew that from day 1. I tried to still be supportive, her behavior continued even worse. So I had to meet with her and her parents. Which I caught her and visually showed her parents of the lies she had been telling them. It got to a point where her father simply told me. “if you have no intentions with this girl. move on with your life, and just take care of whatever responsibilities that come financially.” Admitting his daughter was severely immature.
So from that day forward, I walked away. I ignored her calls, changed my number. She would still constantly use email and myspace to harass me almost daily with verbal and violent threats. I called Family Services and set up the financial responsibilities myself. I have no medical insurance for myself as is, so that is pending until I can find a job that provides it. I got slammed with $240 dollars a month child support which I had no objection to.
A week later, economy struck my line of work and I was laid off. I’ve been scrambling everywhere to find a job. Sending partial payments of 20-50 dollars, or whatever I come across…in joint payments until I can find something. I’m dead broke, it seems literally impossible to find a job. I’m scared for my life, I grew up very respectful with good morals…I don’t have a record or even intend to. I have so many ambitions for my future, and I’m scared to death that this situation is going to ruin the rest of my life.
I keep in constant contact with the CS worker, let them know I’m looking for a job. I’ve seeped 2 going on 3 months past due on payments. She’s periodically emailing me harassing me that she hasn’t gotten her full payments. She even called CS services on my birthday hoping they would take some sort of action just to spite me, then posted on myspace how she’s going to screw me over and hopes I get beat up on my birthday.
She has all of her friends snowed thinking I’m this bastard that bailed on her and we were some long term commitment with the original intent to have kids. I’ve had them try and harass me online as well. None of them aware she lied to me for several weeks just so she can claim she is a mom.
The partial payments I have sent, have gone to her purchasing a new cell phone and pay her cover charge at the door for the clubs she goes to 2-3 times a week. She’s partying and having a grand old time with friends every weekend. Still no intent to find a job or go to school. She actually told me before things broke off that she wanted to be a “trophy wife”. That was her goal for the future.
I have no idea what to do. I absolutely loathe this girl. I felt the best possible situation would be to basically turn over my rights to the child, but still be on the BC so I can at least make some sort of support. I know my money is going in the wrong direction. I’m praying daily I find a job soon, so I can dig myself out of this ditch and keep away from trouble.
Girls like this one, shame hard working moms out there that have legit reasons to complain about this situation. As horrible as it makes me feel, I often hope the absolute worst for her as an individual. But seeing her track record and ability to manipulate…I can see her finding a man naive enough to marry her and she will continue to press me for a free ride while married. She’s already been in 4 relationships within the 4 months I’ve been away from her. She’s been “In Love” within 2-3 weeks of at least 3 of the 4. She’s out of her mind and out of control.
I have no idea where to turn, what to do , or how to finally bring peace to myself without thinking of the sadistic smile on her face. Any help/advice would be greatly appreciated.
Wow Cali,
That’s a heck of a story. Welcome to the “WE-GOT-LIED-TO” CLUB. Hell same thing happened to me. Moral of the story…. never leave your DNA in a woman to whom you are not married.
And even then I’d think long and hard about it.
If you can sign over rights to the child in every way, including no longer making any financial contribution, then I’d do so. Otherwise you’ll be a dartboard and this girl will spend the next 25 years throwing darts at you. Also, you’re not going to be raising the child anyway. Her parents will be raising the child, or which ever poor soul she sucks into her nightmarish web of hell that she meets at the club.
Get out if you can.
Also, I would try and no longer associate in circles where she associates. I would try very hard to convince her I no longer exist.
Don’t pay attention to what females will say to you about signing over your rights. If they had their way it would be even worse than it is. Men and women today have become adversaries thanks to this wonderful society we’ve created called modern America.
I know how you feel. Start using your brain, unlike ealier, and try to get the walking sperm-bank out of your life…. hey send me a pic of her will ya with those high heels on…. just kidding.
and read this
http://www.lewrockwell.com/latulippe/latulippe76.html
First of all Do you have a custody arrangement of any type? If you don’t why don’t you retain custody of the child if the mother is this unstable.
Second, a lot of states now do not allow you to terminate your rights unless there is another individual that is willing to take responsibility in your place. You may just have to be patient until she has found a sucker to marry her andadoptyour child if you still feel that it is necessary to terminate your rights.
Good Luck either way
Hi I read everyone’s messages, I have lived and worked in 6 countries in my life. I just have a few words to share, first jailing a guy is definitely going to put him further behind a schedule and you should never expect to pay off the debt again. Well the laws were definitely made from the perspective of the child who is born and not from mother or father. The support should be variable depending upon the situation and instead of jail the court should try to sell off all his items. Jail is very less productive and once in jail, his fear of jail is gone, his chances of getting a job is reduced. I heard that every eighth person in america has been to jail once in his life time. Laws should also try to put some pressure on women to make their marriage work. I feel that the growth of the country depends a lot on social setup of the families. No wonder the jobs are moving off to other countries/ overseas. If a family breaks, you buy two newspaper, two TVs and two Apartments for the same set of people, obviously you have to work harder and earn more.
I think men should be imprisoned for not paying their child support, at least then they could participate in a work release program to provide some support to their children rather than being a burden on society. If a non-custodial parent cannot do what is ethically and morally right to support their children then thankfully the state and federal governent step in. They do this believe it or not so that they can keep as many women and children off state/federal aid so that we in turn do not have to support them as a society through our tax dollars. My ex-husband was just sentenced to spend 60 days in jail due to non-payment of child support. Not that I completely agree with this tactic since now he has no means to pay his back and accrueing support payments, but actions, or lack thereof, do have repurcussions. Since when are we as people not accountable for our actions?
i bet a huge smile came across your face when you heard he was going to jail you vindictive b!7ch, i have just left a relationship with a maniac and now she plays games every time i am supposed to see the kids, i make arrangements to pick them up at say 5 pm, i get to her place and she isnt there, i call her cell and she doesnt answer. she should have dropped them off at my place easter morning at 7.30 am, i had an easter egg hunt and all sorts of goodies arranged,. the b!7ch called me at 8 and said, well i guess you allready figured out you arent going to get to see the kids today ha ha. she has always used the kids to hurt me because she knows its the only way she can get to me. not all men are d!ck5 most of us resent being included with the minority of fathers who dont care about their children.
when we split i gave my wife all the furniture, an $8000 vehicle ( paid for ), i took on $35000 of debt and offered her $800 per month, she makes $2400 per month so in total that would be $3200. rent $500 utilities $200 food $600 car insurance $50 gas $200 daycare $400 that totals $1950 that leaves her with $1250 per month for all the extras like kids clothes etc, but still not happy she said lets wait to see what the judge orders. sometimes you women just cannot stop the b!7ch thats inside just trying to get out. i have three beautiful children ages 6,4,2 and i cant see them enough.
sincerely persecuted father of three and ex husband of a psycho
Obviously there are many dead beat fathers on this site. It is so sad that you have such problems with bettering your own flesh and blood’s life.
This is NOT about the x-wife, girlfriend, etc… it is about the child…YOUR CHILD!
Stop being a loser and get it together!
I dont get it… I am reading some of the comments and getting disgusted…. I am a mother of four kids. One has a different father. He is ordered to pay child support and doesnt.
When you have unprotected sex you are making a choice knowing that it may result in having a child. There are too many contraceptives out there for you to get someone pregnant and then run out on your responsibilities. This is my situation: I have been taking care of our son for eight years, He has not yet once helped me with this child. I take him to court for child support so I will not have to get on government assistance (Tax Payers Money) to help me raise my child because he chooses not to. He was in the Army making good money… The day he is approached with the amount of 634.oo he agrees to pay it… He did not once say no I cant afford this. He signs and agrees to pay that amount willingly. Next week he gets a mental discharge from the Army. I dont even recieve one payment and he is already trying to avoid paying what he agreed to. I feel sorry for him I tell him ” I know you can’t afford to pay that amount, so will you please just send me what he needs: At the time it was pull-ups and clothes here and there… I ask him to please just send him gifts on Holidays and make him know you care with letters and pictures…. So I give him basically a way out of paying… Does he do it? NO…
About once a year I would have to contact him and let him know how his child was doing because he would never contact me nor the child. I shouldnt have to contact him… He should be ringing my phone off the hook wanting to know how his son is doing. But he dont…
I recently have tried to have the order enforced…. Why because I am tired of him laying with whoever he chooses to and creating more kids and running out on them like he has my son. It isnt about the money…. It is about having one child that you currently never take care of and going and having more. Parents like this should be punished. Why create more kids if you cant take care of them…. He now has six kids by five different women and doesnt help in anyway. This is what is wrong with America. Because you know who is going to take care of these kids because he refuses to help support them… The tax payers is who ends up supporting these kids by providing tax money to pay for FoodStamps, Medicaid, and AFDC… Dont you get it??? Because a parent refuses to pay child support to help take care of the child they helped create Tax Payers are being punished….. So why not enforce child support? You like taking care of kids that you didnt even have sex with the parent to create the child… Come on now seriously we are all adults… We know the consequences of having unprotected sex
**This comment has been changed by site administrator. I don’t feel comfortable letting you post your SSN on this site.
Just wanted to say,
I am a father,I Have a great relationship with my son,who is now seventeen years old.I have all ways had a relationship with my son,I have became disabled,My son gets a check from the state from me,from social secerity,He gets the same thing as my children that live at home with me,In 2007 I recieved the father of the year award for my relationship with my son.My exwife had papers sent to my old job,She told DHR that she heard I made 100,000 dallars a year.She has always known where i live.I have even let her and her husbands son come to my house to visit when my own son came.She has even droped my son and her and her husbands son off togther at my job before because she hsd no one to watch him while she was at work so they both came to work with me.yet the courts took her word without me even there,I never recieved a court order for court or anything,So they raised my support from 400.00 a month to 996.00 a month.Now I went back to court,had al my disability papers with me,They have set another court date for me for contempt of court to put me in jail.Her and her husband live in a 300,000.00 home all have new vehicles.I lost everthing I owned,But in the prosess of loosing everything I never missed a child support payment.I drove a 2006 Nissan Armada,lost it to repossetion ,never missed a child support payment.Had a 2000 Ford truck four wheel grive,Lost to repossetion,Never missed child support payment.When I was working my ex wife would drive to my job to bring my son to work with me,to keep from hireing sitter.When she would come get him or I would take him homeI always gave him between 20.00 and 100.00 every time.Now I cant work,I still see my son every other day,talk to him every day.He is upset at her for the way she treats me.When something happens wrong im always the first one she or her husband calls.My son eats as much at my home as he does at hers.He has his own room with seperate bathroom.He has a key to my home,which is his home.MY POINT IS, DHR or nobody else cares about the quality time the dad spends with his child,Its all about money,Or I would not be going to jail.My son is at my house as i write this.His mom found out he was here so she has told him he needs to come home,Happens all the time.
My real name is Wendell Barry Johns
256-**-****
DONT CARE WHO KNOWS IT.
I have read it all
Women say all they are concerned with father child relationships.Thats bull Im so sick of heiring that.See my son every day.His mom could care less.And really prefers I dont see him.
First I see ignorant comments like the ones above from women who simply don’t understand the torment some men go through.
You love your child…all good and well. But when you had the child with a girl who does not allow you to see your child without taking it as a “pass” to get back together. Then that isn’t my problem, it’s hers.
So many people look at the decision of “pro life” and “moral judgment”. I grew up in a dysfunctional household. Someone can know and have both of their parents around, and the severely dysfunctional atmosphere of the two people…make it better because the parents forced it because “society” feels its right?
IMO. I think that a horrible relationship between parents, and forcing the contact…hurts the child mentally worse than letting it grow in a peaceful environment…even if that means you aren’t SUPER DAD and are around everytime.
Point in fact, some of you can sit and go “blah blah blah dad’s fault”. Keep watching your Lifetime network flicks, and continue to not realize there are some very malicious women out there. One’s that almost use their child as propaganda to ensure a relationship they cannot move on from. Or are unfit mothers….oh yeah, mothers can be immature and unstable as well. [ gasps ].
Just because a guy has and takes the option to move on with his life, sometimes it is best for both parties. I swallowed the pill off a total LIE that started this situation. I took on the payments which will ensure her laziness for the next 18 years. Seeing she wants to be a “Trophy Wife”….as she’s told me several times.
Think before you speak. There are stories, situations, and yes psychotic women that lead to decisions like this.
You love you kids so much? you think about the best possible environment for your kids. Stop thinking of yourselves….”it doesnt matter the ex this and that”. Preach to the choir. Comments like that are 100% self absorbed without even considering the mental state of the child….which is highly influence by what it sees around him/her.
Mothers, Fathers…both selfish. Yeah life could be butterflies and rainbows, and 1940’s and moral. But what it really gets down to is…somebody has to make the mature decision for the child’s sake. Not the mothers opinion. And that being….when it’s over 18 and off on it’s own…it’s not an emotional wreck because the mother preached how important it was to have both parents…despite dysfunction around.
Nice points… I don’t think I’ve ever heard that point of view before… that it may be better, in a bad vindictive relationship, for one of the parents NOT to be involved with the upbringing of the child. I think thats a good point that gets missed alot.
My son is 34. He is finally graduating from college with a degree in history and probably a minor in sociology. He has been living with me the past year and has been extremely sick. He has went to the hospital on 3 separate occasions for bronchial asthma. I have a lot of mold in my house. My son has paid child support when he has been working (up until last summer, I think, when he was getting $4.00 hourly from his boss for delivering pizzas). He only made $2067 for the summer. He used his school loan money to get a used car on which he still needed to make payments. He is close to the $5000 mark. I am worried he will be put in jail before he is able to get a job and start clearing up the child support money he owes. Will he then be considered a felon and unable to get a job such as a teacher? Please advise? We are extremely hard up and he has alwayys gotten angry if he knew I was trying to help him by speaking up for him. Jon will gladly pay child support from his job. But what if they won’t give him a chance and throw him in jail as soon as he reaches the $5000 mark which the case worker has said he will do? He sees his kids all the time and loves them dearly. I just think he is way to naive when it comes to the law and child support. I appreciate any advice you can give.
Sincerely,
Lanell Spencer
Hey Lanell,
I’m not sure what they’ll do, but if they think your son could be paying and isn’t… they may use the jail option. I don’t think going to jail for child support shows up on your ‘record’ but I’m not positive… I’ve just never head that before. Is jail a possiblity though… sure is.
Hello, everyone. I happened to run across this website, and particularly this page, while doing yet more research for this Saturday’s regular ParentStock 2009 Talkshoe (Live internet-radio/phone/chatboard interactive group show), which, this week’s episode is all about fighting unlawful amounts of child support orders, and at its core, the very (wrong) notion of govt-imposed child support debt, in the first place (for several of the reasons that our esteemed blog author here, Barry Broome, mentions and spells out, plus several more under the common law, Constitutional Law, and etc.).
In fact, I am so impressed by Barry’s keen insights into this Nation’s moral fabric problem, when it comes to (what should be) common sense regarding the natural parental-child relationship combined with society’s ill-contrived breakdown and current status of marriage and family, etc., that I am hereby formally inviting him onto our May 30th show, along with myself (host) and a spokesperson from a collection of churches who have heard of me and my boldness for Christ, and so then finally decided to get involved, too, with formulating various Christian financial instruments to help pay off the child support arrears of (thousands? tens of thousands?) of so-called “noncustodial” parents, i.e., relieve their burdens (since “debt” is considered a “sin burden” within the eyes of God, didn’t ya remember that?)
For a couple of quick comments, I will add to the discussion here, the following:
1 — most people, even judges and attorneys, think that divorce with children is all about “he said, she said” to see which parent gets “awarded” or “granted” custody. NOT true, at all. The real legality is, actually, that both parents were FULLY vested with all legal custodial rights to their child, at the very moment of live birth (interestingly, under the law, nobody ever had “custody” of a stillborn baby..). What the money-hungry lawyers and courts are doing, in fact, is actually taking AWAY the *pre-existing* custodial rights of ONLY ONE parent, which the State cannot do, you see, without first - and only by what is called “clear and convincing” evidence, a gnat’s hair shy of the familiar “beyond a reasonable doubt” standard in criminal proceedings - proving that the deprived parent is somehow a *serious* threat to their own child… i.e., parental unfitness. Of course, in 97-98% of divorce with children cases, this is simply ludicrous, as most all parents are not so “unfit” as to raise to the level where the State could press, and convict, of serious, serious issues like child abuse and/or child neglect. Why does it (”sole custody” orders) happen all the time then? Easy, our government NEEDS to *create* a “custodial” and “noncustodial” unbalance, so IT can skim YOUR taxdollars off of the top of the (forced) flow of money exchange, for their various private/political empires.. Hence, these 97-98% of all “noncustodial” situations ARE, actually, under the common law rights of natural parents to their children, as well established for *hundreds* of years now (remember, America’s law is based upon English law), completely in violation of all basic Due Process, and all of them are subject to immediate reversals and corrections back to full joint (equal) custody, for that reason, alone..
2 — Then, there’s the whole mythical notion of the child support “contract” as ordered by a court, i.e., forced upon the otherwise-unwilling-and-unwitting so-called “noncustodial” parent, typically the father, but increasingly also the victimized mothers out there now-a-days. Under the real law, a forced contract is NO contract at all (the very idea of contracts is, itself, a *mutual* and *voluntary* thing..), and a forced contract is legally unforceable. Again, it’s really all about the lawyers and government *creating* an illusion against the actual law, for increasing their own profits and taxdollars.. You HAVE to understand, see, that the lawyers *created* this system, so they could create tons of billable hours for themselves, since if they really protected their clients’ Constitutional Rights, then there wouldn’t be anything left to “fix” all the time, and hence there wouldn’t be so much more ongoing income for themselves.. at your expense, and at the next person’s expense, and etc., etc…
3 — Under the law, Rights and Responsibilities go directly hand in hand. If you don’t have a Right to something (in this case, the full measure of normal control, care, and management of your own child… which you *already* had a Right to, before you were robbed without Due Process.. see above..), then you don’t have any *real* Responsibility under the law to that something (in this case, paying the child support). However, if you have a Right to something, then you have a duty, or Responsibility, to that same something. Likewise, if you fail your Responsibility, you can lose your Right, and etc., etc… Again, see the above for why the lawyers and government continue this entire farce every single day, i.e., “Follow the Money”..
There are several other reasons, of course, both under the actual, real common law, also under violations of Equal Protection and other Constitutional Rights (i.e., disparate treatment of no government control of children in still-intact families, versus the whole “custodial-noncustodial” thing), violations of protection against Gender Discrimination (regardless of whether the mother or father has been “awarded” or “granted” custodial rights falsely by the state court), and even more under the whole realm of the Law of Contracts (such as “performance” and “consideration”, i.e,, support and visitation, etc.), and [both State and Federal] Statutory Law, such as see this –> 15 USC 1673, which Barry is well aware of, but see, in particular, paragraph (c) thereof, and which each of the States have - due to yet ANOTHER federal funding scheme.. sigh - an equal or better garnishment protection statute (but the Fed didn’t command *where* in the law that each State was required to put these laws.. so, instead of putting these obvious protections under Family Law, they left them buried under Trade Law, Commerical Law, Credit Law, and etc…. ’cause they really didn’t want to help protect you..
I will email Barry directly a copy of this comment and invitation to join us as a Special Guest on the May 30th (Saturday) show, but you can all hook into TONS of like-minded people all over the Nation, at regional, state, and county levels/groups, at http://unitedcivilrights.org as well as join us on the regular Talkshoe shows for ParentStock 2009, at 7:00 pm Eastern:
http://talkshoe.com/tc/37984
(computer chatboard + listen to audio stream)
Mr. Torm L. Howse
Co-Founder, National Board Director, Instructor,
United Civil Rights Councils of America
http://unitedcivilrights.org
Pretend we are in an alternate universe - Flip the situation around where men get custody most of time and all the same laws are in place. Most of the women wouldn’t pay the child support for the same reasons most of the men don’t pay the child support.
Also, if the current family law system is so fair how about you women trading places with the men for a year, every other year? You would howl like a wounded dog about how unfair it is. Especially with the entitlement mentality most women have today. Having said that, there is no right or fair way to break up a family or arrange parenting for out of wedlock children. There just isn’t.
When a man can’t see the kids he has no relationship with them, he doesn’t know them anymore in a practical sense, and he ceases to be a real father. It is a virtual abortion to the man. Why do you think any woman that has a real abortion can come to that decision - because she has not met the child yet, has no relationship with the child, has not bonded. It is a lump of flesh…a fetus.
Here’s what I know. If the current family laws were all abolished the pregnancy rate would drop like a stone. Women simply won’t allow themselves to get pregnant if they don’t have the law in their back pocket. If you subsidize a behavior you get more of it - not, you get less. The world will always be screwed up because there’s people on it so you’ll never totally fix this issue. The best possible way to achieve the fewest issues with child custody & support is to have no law at all. Let the churches deal with it. There will always be problems no matter what we do. The current system is one of the worst ways to deal with it….but what do you expect when you get the government involved
Here’s a radical solution - In the case where your a married father and the Gubmint takes your children from you then the Gubmint is most definitely not looking our for your rights or the children’s rights. Leave the country. If enough men did this the WOMEN would be screaming for the law to change
Also, I’ve posted here at least 4 times now and said some radical things. Why doesn’t anybody argue against me? Oh, must be that you can’t
I’m a fair minded guy. I promise to be civil. How about some debate?
I am completely disgusted with men who do not want to pay for their obligation. You sure as hell don not mind having sex! Te woman has to carry this child in her body for 9 months, so then if the man decides he not to be apart from the child’s life that it’s okay for him to walk away? I agree with the law, it is not okay. He wanted to lie down with that woman. Whether or not the intent of pregnancy was there that is what you know might happen everytime you do it. I think men get away with murder and women are left holding the bag….it sucks. It takes alot of time and money to raise these little boys so they can grow up to be strong men. You ask what is wrong with our country? Divorce and abandonment of responsability!!!!
[ Listens to incoherent sobbing. ]
Imagine, You have the law breathing down your back. You are fighting to stay out of handcuffs…when you were never a criminal. You go to work day in and day out, you can only find minimal pay because if you slow down to go back to school and improve your salaray….you are at risk of being in a courtroom and on the ringer for instant blame by default. You put your blood, sweat and tears into a job you cannot stand.
You can’t live comfortably off the job, because you don’t make enough. Because again, you can’t slack from hours to go back to school and survive in this world with opportunities to have a stable income. So you’re either living in a rat hole apartment, in a room in someone else’s house, or in your parents home. Bound to the walls as a grown man who technically has no way out.
You barely get by. You’re pay checks are 800-1000 a month. 400-500 after half of it disappears via deduction from the government. All you did was meet a girl when you were 21. You thought the best in people so when she told you “hey I’m on birth control”. You gave her the benefit of the doubt because if she trust you enough to sleep with you….you feel entitled to give her the same respect. You still play it safe, she tries to make it a close call.
Out of frustration you leave, angry that she would chance something like that. Remember you are only 21, you have an entire life and goals to meet.
4 Months later. You get an excited call…”Oh My God I’m Pregnant!”. She’s in utter joy, she admits to never have taken birth control. You are now in shock, betrayed, scared for your life. You don’t know what to do, all you know is….”not now” it’s always been “not now”. But she wanted the child, she played the game and you picked up the bat and waited for the pitch. Though the ball goes right through your bat whether you have clean connection or not. She runs this game…and you can’t win.
She decides to be “pro life”, against any opinion you may have. She has no job, no college experience. She’s still living at home with parents and totally jazzed she now will get 5 times more attention from her friends. How fun it will be to play baby dress up, and get eyes from every angle as she walks past with her soon to be baby entrenched in compliments.
You…sit scared for your life. Knowing nothing will stop this, You had dreams of joining the military like your family. Dreams of becoming more, the military doesn’t accept single parents….and you hardly know this girl to get up and marry her.
Then you sit for 9 months, trying to tough it out. Getting screamed at, ridiculed, made to feel useless by random mood swings. All that matter is they get “Taken care” of. They do have 9 months ahead of them now.
The baby is finally here, This wasn’t your plan to begin with. You tried to stop it…but you aren’t big enough to block the tracks. She is instantly overjoyed, now in a rush to marry you and create her “dream” family.
Though you are not ready for a family….she doesn’t care. You have gotten to know her over the past 9 months, she is the furthest away from your soulmate. You have nothing in common, her attitude and thought process disgust you. Then the anger still seeps how you loathe her for lying to you to receive this. You are so angry, at the apathy she has displayed towards your life, that cannot handle this. You have a new child, yet you cannot stand to hurt it by staying grounded to a person you cannot be around without argument.
You get up, you leave. She’s fine, back to normal. Her body returns within weeks and her parents pick up the baggage and throw it over their shoulder. She’s got the help of friends, neighbors, mother’s groups. She’s in no rush to get a job….why? She can just call the Child Support Office. She just got a new car, goes out and buys 10 dresses and 3 pairs of shoes. Her parents give her whatever she wants. She has health insurance, she has moral support, she can go to school, she can have a social life with live in babysitters at home. Whats the worry?
You….Have no options. The military is gone. School is almost impossible to juggle. Your barely hanging on to the hours you have at work. You have the burden of knowing you are the bad guy whether you fulfill your commitment or not. You work your ass off, but you aren’t around 24/7….what a horrible father. You are around 24/7 but hardly work…you don’t nurture or provide…what a horrible father. Your trying to move on with your life, try and pick up the pieces of whats shattered at your feet. But she’s still the voice off to the side insulting you. Making sure everyone around knows how horrible of a man you are. You are afraid to meet new women, afraid to have sex, afraid that somehow…she will poison the future with any woman you may meet that is compitable. How can you live like this?
Next thing you know, you are a 39 year old college student. Everyone is hiring younger applicants. You are worn down from previous jobs that paid you nothing, you can’t compete in physical jobs. You’re now too old for the military. Finding a new future with a woman, affording a house, a lifestyle…is much more difficult at 39 than it was when you were 21. Yet…she’s still bickering off to the side, the child you sweat your life away for and suffered financially for…cannot stand you because her mother has convinced her that you walked out instead of just marrying her.
Where do your feelings fit in? Where does your desire fit it? Your Happiness? If you get laid off, or we go through a hiring freeze. Where is your innocence? Your company lets you go after 10 years, now….you are a criminal when you couldnt control the outcome of your bi-weekly salary. But the hands never go back in, they’re always sticking out…wanting more, demanding more…or you’re “pathetic”. You’d fight for the right to be human, but you’re a man….you have no chance. Your struggles, pain, denial, mental torment…means nothing to the judge staring decisively at the woman across from you with a large smile across her face.
You’ve spent 18 years of your life fighting, to stay out of handcuffs, to stay on top of things. To preserve your credit..so you may one day buy a home, or feel independence. You spent 18 years watching yourself stuck in a world of mediocrity….knowing there is no way out without paying for it in spades. Your child hates you, 30 people you hardly know hate you. A woman you knew for 2 weeks, and has past moved on…got married. Never really had to work, and had a social life to sew her oats…..has successfully succeeded in using you for her own benefit…then ruining the core of your life with no remorse.
9 months….sound’s amazing.
I work a full time job, a part time job, go to college and raise my children without getting child support from their father, whom I let see his children when he calls and asks. If I can do this, the why is Lostincali whining that he can’t? No it is not easy, but I do it to better the lives of my children. It is the responsibility of the parents to make sure the children have the best possible life - not that the parents have the easiest possible life. Too many noncustodial parents whine about paying child support when they do little else for the child. It is the job of both parents to raise the children - financially, physically and emotionally. Both parents should make every effort to support the child in all three ways. It is expensive to raise children and everyone should be doing their part.
I have a question. I am a mom. I had 2 boys that were taken from me and awarded to their abusive father (yes, one of them was injured by him at 4 months). He makes a lot of money. I was in the military until recently and was making money, but was discharged for medical reasons. I tried to kill myself because over the years this has eaten me alive mentally and I completely mentally broke down. I also will add that I was diagnosed as having PTSD, so it’s not like I try and off myself all of the time. However, I am now being labeled as crazy (I’m not- just emotionally defeated) and will have to try and get on disability. I should add that I have three other kids (that do live with me), for which I am the sole provider. I am doing the best that I can, but I’m struggling and can’t pay child support to the rich ex (that doesn’t use the support money for my two boys). What is somebody like me supposed to do? I can’t work anymore and I can barely provide for my other three anymore. Are you really going to sit there and tell me that I am supposed to pay support to some rich jerk, who has cut me off, has more than enough to get by and I don’t even know where mine, or my kids next meals will come from? What am I supposed to do?